[ The grey wednesday ]

Gloomy wednesday evening.

I feel lost. Everyone in the world is moving but i'm still. I'm no one. No sch. No work. No nothing. As if i dunno wat i'm living for.

I told myself yesterday nite that i will do something today. To decide what i want to do exactly. Jac has got a reply. I dun think i'm in. This morning, i got news from xuan too. When i heard the news, i started to fReak out. Big time. My hands were shivering as i held the mouse. I was about to break out in cold sweat. My mind was starting to fill up with clouds. Blank. It wasn't total panic like how it was when i was during my a-math test. It was not as bad as that but bad.

I can only pray now. My future will be nothing if i dun get in. Nothing. Kosong. Gone will be the suits to work. The nice house. I will have to worry about my every meal. I will have to scrimp and save. Quarreling with baby over little dollars and cents.

I'm so lost. I feel sick. I feel useless.

I need baby.

Robin asked me to go swimming tomorrow. I dun feel like it.

I just hope and pray.

I'll be awaiting baby's call tonite.

The light's too bright for me. Too glaring. The reflection is too bright. I'm lost. In my own failure. I need light.